All Clear

January of 2009 will mark a long, eighteen months of trying to get pregnant. Seeking medical help was not something that was an easy decision for Curtis and me. We know that God is the giver of life and His timing is perfect. We were referred twice to seek infertility help, yet didn't feel a peace about it at the time. However, this past August we said if there still weren't any babies by the end of 2008 then we would take the next step.

We had a meeting with our new doctor, who will focus on infertility with us...well, me. Curtis is fine. On Wednesday, December 9, I went and had a hysterosalpingogram also known as an HSG test. This is a painful procedure to make sure my tubes are open and clear. The report came back great! Everything is open and looks great! So, we'll see what the next few months hold for us.

For some, the decision to seek medical treatment comes so easy. Curtis and I have spent a lot of time in prayer over this! You just want to believe that since so many people get pregnant on their own, we can too! Afterall, God made us to do this! Mainly, I wanted to make sure we kept our hope in the Lord and not medicine or a new doctor.

I was trying to think of the best way to describe what this season of life is like. This is the best analogy I can come up with. Have you ever had to put together something together, like furniture, and finished only to realize you have extra parts left over? It could make you crazy. You re-read the directions...surely you've missed a step, forgot to do something...no you did everything you were supposed to. That's what this feels like to me. What do I do with this intense desire to be a mother if children are not a part of God's plan for us?

I don't have the answer to that and I hope I don't have to find that answer. I do know, that God is Sovereign. His plans are perfect. His timing is always right on time. He has been my rock and my salvation. He has met me in the midst of really hard days with promises of His everlasting love. My prayer through all this has been, "Lord, if I have to go through this then I must see You in it!!" Yes, this is hard but we serve a mighty God, the very giver of life. He is my hope, my joy -- He will work out what we do with the "extra parts" we have in life. We just have to trust and obey!

This is my favorite song for us right now. Not the best video, but you'll catch the drift. Be sure to pause the music below.

Vision of You by Shane & Shane

Come meet us, King Jesus
Oh wind of change blow through this temple.
Sweet Spirit of God, come and mend our hearts.
For all we have are songs, unless you come...

Awaken what's inside of me.
Tune my heart to all You are in me.
Even though You're here, God come.
And may the vision of You be the death of me.
And even though You've given everything, Jesus come.

Come free us, King Jesus.
It's the only way that freedom's given.
From You and You alone, in the work You've already done.
For all we have are songs, unless you come...

Here we are Lord.
In this place.
Crying out for your embrace.
To hear your voice.
More than songs.
Oh please come.