Fiend or Saint?

I'm still reading the book If Yee Shall Ask. I suppose it will take me a lifetime to digest all that's inside of the mere 110 page book! I've been reading and re-reading chapter 6 "Now this explains it" all weekend. It is enormously rich and I want to make sure I totally comprehend all that this chapter contains.

The Lord has really been convicting me, "Am I deeply longing, through prayer, for a child OR because I long for a child, am I deeply longing through prayer to know the very Giver of life?" Meaning, am I more consumed with the answer to my prayers rather than being consumed with knowing Christ better, more fully, to where we are one as He and the Father are one (John 17)? Is His grace really enough? Am I too focused on future blessings to not appreciate God's faithfulness in the past?

"God is not concerned about your aims and mine. He does not say, 'Do you want to go through this bereavement, this upset?' He allows these things for His own purpose. We may say what we like, but God does allow the devil , He does allow sin, He does allow bad men to triumph and tyrants to rule, and these things either make us fiends or they make us saints, it depends entirely on the relationship we are in towards God. ... The things we are going through are either making us sweeter, better, nobler men and women, or they are making us more captious and fault-finding, more insistent on our way. We are either getting more like our Father in heaven, or we are getting more mean and intensely selfish. How are behaving ourselves in our circumstances? Do we understand the purpose of our life as never before? God does not exist to answer our prayers, but by our prayers we come to discern the mind of God, and that is declared in John 17, 'That they may be one, even as We are one.' Am I as close to Jesus as that? God will not leave me alone until I am. God has one prayer of Jesus Christ. It does not matter how imperfect or immature a disciple my be, if he will hang in, that prayer will be answered."

Friends, I have to admit I desperately want to discern the mind of God -- especially now. But I often loose focus on the fact that my life is not about me, but about God's glory. His purpose, not mine. Just like the verse in Job, "Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" I have to continually keep myself in check with this verse.

I regret to say that I am more prone to being intensely selfish than being more like God. But why? Who knows. As a new creation in Christ, I have the ability, through the Holy Spirit within me, to take on the very nature of God. But isn't great to know the Jesus, even this very minute, is interceding for us to the Father that we might be one as They are one!! I love that! And just like Oswald Chambers says, "it doesn't matter how imperfect or immature a disciple my be, if he will just hang in there, that prayer will be answered." Praise the Lord! I look forward to that day!!

'Oh Lord, unto Thee do I look up. Enlighten me, cause me to be radiant with Thy countenance. I praise Thee for Thy grace and for seeing a little of The marvellous doings; enable me more and more to manifest the life hid with Christ in God.' O. Chambers

The Absence of Audible Response

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm reading the most remarkable book by Oswald Chambers on prayer "If Ye Shall Ask...". In chapter five, he is referring to Jesus' delay when he heard Lazarus died. Read what he writes about God's silence that can often be mistaken as an unanswered prayer. It ties right into my previous post about believing.


"Jesus stayed two days where He was without sending a word. We are apt to say, 'I know God has not answered my prayer, it is because I asked for something wrong.' It is quite true that God does not answer some prayers because they are wrong, but that is so obvious that it does not need a revelation from God to understand it. God wants us to stop understanding in the way we have and get into the place He wants us to get into, i.e. He wants us to know how to rely on Him. God's silences are His answers. Can it be said of us that Jesus so loved us that He stayed where He was because He knew we had a capacity to stand a bigger revelation? Has God trusted us with a silence, a silence that is absolutely big with meaning? That is His answer. The manifestation will come in a way beyond any possibility of comprehension. His silence is a big with meaning that you cannot understand yet, but presently you will. Time is nothing to God. Prayers offered years ago and God answered the soul with silence; now He is giving the manifestation of the answer in a revelation that we are scarcely able to comprehend."



Wow! I think Oswald Chambers is top on my list of great men to sit with when I get to heaven. His knowledge of our Father is so deep.

A few things I took away from the section...(I had to stop to take it all in). First, it is impossible for us to understand God's ways because we are human. He does reveal Himself to us a little at a time, but we'll never fully understand how great and marvelous -- and perfectly timed -- are His ways until we're made perfect in heaven. But I love that my sweet Father takes the time to "get us into the place He wants us to get into...relying on Him". He doesn't have to do that, but He does because His love for us is so HUGE! Next, relying on Him... Totally a given since we can't fully understand His ways. But, why don't I do that more? Seems silly in hindsight. But the honest truth of it is, I begin to trust and rely, then I get comfortable and that's when it happens...I quit trusting. Before I know it, I've gone two steps forward and three steps back.

Also, "His silence is big with meaning". Don't you love that? He's not holding out on me after all. Quite the opposite. He loves me so much that He can't bring the actual answer until I learn what it is He has for me. This totally drives me to fully seek Him in times when I'm unsure of what He's up to. With everything inside me, I want to know that "bigger meaning" and I hate that I loose sight of that sometimes!

Lastly, "time is nothing to God"... isn't this true? Wow, I really don't have words for this because in my mind it's so huge -- yet, doesn't it put everything in perspective? What seems like forever, just isn't to Him. Thankfully it's this way or He just might think it's taking forever to teach me trust! :)

Father, I am so reminded of how vastly different we are -- and I'm thankful. Thankful that You are entirely perfect in all Your ways and timing. Lord, I long to know the 'bigger meaning' of this silence and waiting period. I don't mean the 'why', but rather the 'bigger meaning' of You. I want to know You, see You at work, see Your perfect plan for my life. I know You are revealing that, but give me eyes to see it. Slow me down and force me to see it. Thank You for Your servant Oswald Chambers. Thank You for revealing Yourself to him, so he could in-turn spell it out for a layman like myself!

"You just gotta believe!"

God is so good to me. Last week, I was at work and happened to be in the maternity section when this couple walked in. After about an hour of helping them with clothes, we finally made it up to the register when the husband asks, "do you have any kids?" I replied with the usual, "No, but we definitely want kids." This sweet couple immediately went into their story of longing for a child for over four years before their little girl was born.

This encounter was great for a number of reasons. First, normally I hate the "do you have kids" question, but this time was different. Second, I have never been around a couple that just exuded peace. They were the most peaceful people I've ever met. It's hard to describe, but they were just at peace! Ultimately, I know the Lord planned that whole meeting because I'm never in maternity and, as a manager, I never get to spend that much one-on-one time with customers.

Anyway, they began to tell me about how they were praying so hard for a baby. This missionary woman at their church approached the lady and said, "do you believe that you'll have a baby?" She said, "yeah, I mean...I see my-self pregnant." "NO! Do you see your-self with your babies? Do you actually see your children? THAT is the kind of faith God is calling you to." She went on to say, "Sarah, it was so true. And, that's the kind of faith God is also calling you to. It's a faith thing. You just gotta believe to the point that you see it even when you can't see it and give thanks in advance for what He's going to do!" She went on to explain after they had their daughter that they believed this would be their only child. She was so perfect and since she wasn't getting pregnant again that this was all for them. Another person came up to her and said, "you are so hung up on this one blessing that you can't see the store house of blessings God has for you. You have to believe that He will do immeasurably more than we can ask."

I know I've touched on this a little before, but I have really bad habit of putting God in a box. I don't even realize it until after I've done it. I say God is the giver of life, but then I put a ton of my hope in a new doctor or prescription. Then, I look back and see that my faith is man or medicine, not God.

The couple also told me about this book, Supernatural Childbirth. They lost me a little with the title. I thought, "sounds like a crock and if I bring that home Curtis will definitely think I'm crazy" but I agreed to look it up. They went on to explain that the authors teach you how to pray scripture for conception, through pregnancy and birth. Praying scripture really caught my attention so I said to myself, "well, I'll call Barnes & Noble and if they have it and it's not expensive I'll get it." What do you know... they had it and it was only $10.

Frankly, it's the best $10 I've ever spent. The couple writes about their journey through a "no children ever" diagnoses to having four children -- all by believing that God has the final say and authority and praying scripture. I highly encourage all of you to get it! They write out all of the scriptures and even their prayers to conceive. The book also has a section about praying against troubled pregnancy or miscarriage and a part that's just testimonies. It's so encouraging to read how God has worked through these couples simply through faith.

But think about it, isn't God calling all of us to a deeper faith? Isn't He constantly calling us to know Him better by trusting Him more and more? Shouldn't we view Him as the final authority? We all want to have great faith stories, but that's impossible by ourselves. We have to dig into the Word, ask according to His will and believe it has been done. We just have to believe! Imagine the possibilities...we would be blessed abundantly more than we could ask or imagine. Just believe. Get to know the God of all creation better, begin trusting Him and just believe.

Friends, this post really doesn't just have to just deal with infertility. Is your marriage suffering? You know it is God's will that you and your husband be united in Him. Ask and believe He will do it! Are your children out of control? You know it's His will that they be obedient. Ask and believe that He'll break their strong will. Are you enslaved by debt? You know it's God's will that you only have one Master -- Him. Ask and believe He will see you through to living debt free. Are you single? You know marriage was God's plan. Ask for your spouse and believe He will bring that to pass. We simply have to start asking and believing!! Believing, knowing it has already been done.

Lord Jesus, You tell us in Your Word 'this is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He will hear us. And if we know He hears us -- whatever we ask -- we know we have what we ask of Him'. Father, You also say that You make the barren woman to keep house and be the happy mother of children'. I believe that. I believe You are the giver of life. I believe You will even fill my womb with life. Lord, I trust You and Your timing. Lord, trusting doesn't make the wait easier. Even Jesus experienced this is the garden just before His crucifixion. His trust was fully in You, yet He knew the cross would be hard. Father, come quickly. Increase my faith to the fullest measure -- abundant and running over. Keep the evil one at bay. Help me to think on that which is pure and holy rather than doubts and fears. Thank You for the cross which gives me the ability to have faith and trust even when I can't see it. Expand my faith beyond just infertility, but cause me, by the power of Your name, to also believe and trust in all circumstances. Amen.

Camping

This weekend, Curtis and I met our friends, Colin and Christie, to go camping. Curtis and Colin grew up together and actually hunt where we camped. The weekend consisted of hiking, loosing Colin and Christie's dog Niki, then me getting lost for an hour...alone...in the woods, finding Niki, finding me, eating some great food, riding four-wheelers, and awesome conversations! Who knew Rockmart was so treacherous?! No lie. I told Curtis, "we need to do this more often...camping, not getting lost."

Turns out, Christie and I have a lot in common! I love when Curtis and I have a lot in common with another couple. Sounds silly, but it can be a tricky feat to find a couple both enjoy being around.

Anyway, enjoy the pics!











Lilly hiking...

Curtis and me riding four-wheelers.

Colin and Christie...and Colin's Becks non-alcoholic. You must really love beer to drink a non-alcoholic version!

Curtis and Colin in front of the cabin they used to hunt in growing up. That place is barely standing. They only stopped staying there two years ago! Curtis kept asking me to go up and stay. No thank you. For whatever reason, the floor falling in just wasn't a deal maker...for me anyway.

Rockmart really is rough terrain! I got lost because I ventured down the rocky mountain to look for Niki and couldn't get back up. That's how steep it is out there!

Curtis and Lilly exhausted after looking for me. Thank God they found me!