"You were right, we were wrong!"

Remember in my last post that I said, "there are no words to describe April"? Well, when you read this you'll further understand why!

Remember that Cigna was denying my HSG, after they said they would cover it? Well, let this be a word of hope to NEVER give up. I wrote the best letter of my life and God did a work through those words!!

We got an email this week that has never sounded so sweet to these ears!

"We accept full financial responsibility for giving the patient incorrect coverage information."

This is a HUGE, H-U-G-E, HUGE praise!! Especially since we've contributed more than our fair share to the economy by way of home repairs/clean-up this month. Let's, just put it this way -- the economy ain't hurtin' because of us!

Can you believe this?!? Frankly, I knew they knew they were in the wrong. In fact, three people that worked for Cigna said my account detailed that they made an error. But, I certainly never thought they would admit to it. This is ground breaking! I just assumed they would say, "yeah, we made a mistake...that's tough luck for you. Now, you still owe $3K!"

Thank you so much for your prayers for us concerning this. For some reason I can't seem to make our money tree grow as quick as we would like! Maybe it needs fertilizer...

"Are you kidding me?"

"No I'm not."

These were the short lines Curtis and I exchanged Sunday night as we attempted to pull into our driveway on the way home from Columbus, Ga.

"Why?", you ask?

See below...















Yes, that is the only remaining brafford pair tree left in our yard. (The picture makes it look little but trust me, it's not.) And yes, it split down the middle. Yes, it was one week after our basement flooded. And no, not one single neighbor bothered to call us with a heads up. And yes, it's expensive to have a tree cut down, stump ground and hauled away!

All we could do was laugh. Laughter is so necessary in these situations.

Want to know something even funnier? We got home at 11:30 p.m. and Curtis had to fly out the next morning at 8 a.m. for four days.

Great! Just how I wanted to spend my day, negotiating -- like I actually know what I'm doing and saying -- with someone to cut the tree down and haul it away! Yay for me!!

Even better, Curtis' car was stuck in the garage and I couldn't take him to the airport because of my work schedule. So, he turned the car around on the driveway to drive down the yard. When he went to back up onto the side driveway/basketball court....

Crunch!

That my friends was the sound of someone backing right into the house and gutter ... that we just had painted. "Awh, geez!"

There are no words for this month...

And, no, I'm not kidding!

"I can do this!"

This past weekend, we drove down to visit Jake at Ft. Benning for Family Day. Basically, the guys were allowed to have family visit for the weekend. They couldn't spend the night away, but they were allowed to be with us from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. Saturday and 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. Sunday.

This was the such a great weekend! I can't begin to tell you how great it was to see Jake. I don't think I had fully realized how much I missed him being here. We have always been really close, but we had gotten much closer since I moved back to Atlanta in '05.

The weekend began with a brief meeting of the Drill Sargents with the family and then the guys were "released". It was so emotional seeing him all dressed in his formal attire! He looked so different. Not only because he's lost at least 20 or 25 lbs, but he just looked so focused and "manly".

We rented one of the cabins there on base and it was great. Mom and all five grand kids -- three of which are Jake's kids -- Curtis and me all stayed together. It was a hoot. (I'll post funny side stories later.) We grilled out, played whiffle ball, kick ball, and just spent time together.

Jake has really changed -- all for the best! Like I said, he's so focused. His whole demeanor has changed too...he's so much more in-tune to the kids, really mellow ... it was hard not to just stare at him.

He told us a lot of unbelievable stories of life in boot camp. They have a lot of hard work coming up before their graduation in May. This week they have an 11 mile march with 65 lbs on the back! Next week is a 12 miles march carrying the same 65 lbs. Week after -- 26 mile march, with 65 lbs and a week in the woods! He said his feet just get numb after a while and that he has nerve damage on his shoulders from carrying his pack...as in he can't feel the front of his shoulders.

Good news is that Jake is really making a name for himself and setting himself apart as a leader. He's the company leader, meaning his over 50 guys and has to make sure they're ready for standards. Also, it's a big deal whoever is chosen to lead the group in marches or personal training (PT's) tests and Jake is the leader! He said being in front is a lot easier than being 50 guys back.

If I tried to explain how proud of him I am, I don't think I could do him justice. When a lot of guys are just going through the motions to get out, Jake has forced himself to have a great attitude and do his best.

I said to him, "I bet before those long marches you get that feeling like 'I don't want to do this.'" He replied, "If I'm going to make it to the end, I can't have that attitude. I have to get really psyched up, jump around and say, 'I can't wait! I can do this! I can do this!!" Whoa. I bet that does make a difference. I was so convicted. I should have that same attitude about the hard things in my life..."I can do this!".

Jake said he will most likely be deployed to Afghanistan or Iraq. "WHAT?!?!" This was really hard to hear. Mainly, because Jake is training to be in the center of the "action/danger". This is going to be hard not to worry about.

Anyway, it was a great visit. I couldn't help but cry when we were hugging goodbye. I'm so proud of him! I hate that he won't live around us again for a while but I'm trusting that God is going to protect him.

Would you commit to praying for Jake? Like I said, he's got a really tough couple of weeks coming up and I feel burdened to get him covered in prayer. I've listed below a couple of ways you can pray for him specifically. I've also printed up the picture of him with his three kiddos to send out as a prayer reminder ... hoping people will put it in a place where they'll remember to pray for him. For example, near the sink while you wash dishes, in you Bible while you do your quiet time, on the mirror while you're getting ready, etc. If you would like to commit to praying, simply post a comment here (if I already have your address) or email me (sarah.jefferson@comcast.net) and I'll send you a picture out.

Prayer specifics:
- physical protection from injury
- full recovery from all the physical work
- complete rest and restoration when he sleeps
- the sometimes terrible food would nourish his body (I can't imagine how many calories he's burning in a day!)
- to stay strong mentally to get through to the end of the marches
- for the upcoming 26 mile march and week in the woods
- acceptance in RIP (ranger training that he REALLY wants to get into)
- he really wants to be based, in the beginning, out of the base in Washington state (I think it's Ft. Lewis)
- **Ultimately God's will for his training and future placement**
- he would feel the Lord's presence their with him
- he would continue to set himself apart from the others and be a leader
- Pray for his kiddos (Will, Faith and Sarah Kate): it's hard to wrap their mind around all of this and go so long without seeing him

I'll update his specific needs as he makes those known to us!

Thanks in advance for covering him in prayer!

Jake with Will, Faith and Sarah Kate

Jake and Sarah Kate: how sweet is this picture?

Jake and Faith

Playing kick-ball

Jake managed to kick the ball in a pine tree.

Whiffle ball

Mr. Athletic himself giving me advice... or was he saying in his announcer voice, "A swing and a miss"?

Answers

Today, Curtis and I went to our first consultation at Reproductive Biology Associates. I know what you're thinking and that's why I hesitated to even blog about it.

I thought you said you guys weren't going to go.

You're right. I did say that. That was before last week. As you know, I was on my second month of clomid. I was experiencing a lot of crazy symptoms. I won't go into details because they're a little too...well, personal. L-o-n-g story short, we had to go to the doctor last week because they weren't sure if I had a miscarriage or what the side affects were caused by. I had to have an internal ultrasound and complete exam. End of story, no baby. We were told, "within the realm of possibility that you had a miscarriage or could be an affect of the meds."

For those of you that read and haven't ever experienced any kind of infertility, let me try to explain what this does to your psyche. Each month you live with the hope that this will be the month. This will be the cycle. This will be the symptoms that actually pan out to show a positive pregnancy test. This is all well and good, but when it's like this month after month for two years -- it's exhausting. Mentally, physically and spiritually.

While sitting in Dr. H's office, he was very frank. Something I love about him is that he's not afraid to give you news you don't want to hear. "You guys aren't going to get pregnant on your own." This cut right through to my heart. I know that and I didn't want to hear it again.

I want to know why! Why not? Nothing is wrong. Every thing comes back "normal"..."within normal range"...the ultrasound tech actually said, "every thing looks great!" I wanted to scream, "looks great, you're pregnant or looks great, you're not pregnant -- someone tell us something!"

Curtis and I got in the car to go home and almost in unison we agreed, "RBA, here we come." We cannot go on thinking and hearing everything is fine, when clearly it's not.

We sat today with a fantastic doctor today that took the time to explain to each of us his thoughts, his plan and direction. It was the hugest relief! You know why? Because things aren't normal. This is a praise!! Just as I suspected, he agreed it's not normal to try to get pregnant for two and half years unsuccessfully! (Medically they use our anniversary since I haven't been on birth control since we got married.) Like I thought, he also thinks I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome -- something my other doctors too quickly ruled out because I'm skinny.

A friend of ours sent Curtis an email last week saying, "Our prayers are often answered through the skills and actions of other people." Have you pondered that? We are in fact His hands and feet.

I believed this before. Being a doctor takes God-given talent. No ordinary person could retain that much knowledge. But, I was being stubborn. I wanted God to answer our prayer for a child my way. I don't want to go to an Reproductive Endocrinologist to do what most people do without any thought. I don't want to be the exception to the rule. I don't want to suffer through this horrible longing unfulfilled. I hate the questions from strangers about "when we're going to finally give in and have kids".

But you know what, this is what God choose for me. I don't know why and probably won't know why. He didn't ask me what I wanted. In fact, He knew infertility would be part of my life when He created me. Do you know that even with this label, I am still fearfully and wonderfully made? He doesn't look at me as incomplete or unable. I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His image.

And following His will isn't following my will for His will. It's tearing up my itinerary, forgetting my will and doing what I don't want to simply because that's what He's asking -- to trust Him, where He leads.

So that's where we are now. Trusting and prayerfully considering next steps. We're not rushing into any treatments and frankly the doctor doesn't foresee that as necessary. A lot of testing has to be done. For now, I'm on metformin to help with PCOS and baby aspirin to help with blood flow. Clomid will come back in the mix in the next month or so.

I'm just glad to have someone "on the case" who is as invested in helping us get pregnant as we are. Curtis and I left with such a peace. No, we're not pregnant but we're getting answers and we've got the best of the best as our doctor.

This is enough. This a praise!

Home "Sweet" Home

Curtis and I spent the weekend down at my parents place in Moreland. It's just a little further south of Newnan...heaven. Every time we go there Curtis and I fall in love with the slower pace of life, undeveloped area and country feel. This weekend was no different.

We took Lilly down to play with her mom, sister and friends. She had a good ole time!

Lilly playing in what we hope to be our front yard!

Kate, Lilly's mom.

Don't you love him? This is Gen, Dad's dog and Lilly's boyfriend, with his tongue out. He is seriously the happiest dog you'll ever know!

After spending the weekend fantasizing how we would love to build down there, Curtis and I came home to the "best" surprise...a flooded basement! Yay! Do you know how many hours I spent finishing that basement into the "man room"? Do you know how much paint I painted on those walls, the sweat and work that went into that room?? There isn't even space here on this blog to explain it. If you do your own home stuff, you know.

Sunday, I got home and noticed a little water in front of the freezer drawer. (We have a bottom freezer drawer.) So I opened the drawer and literally 10 or 12 gallons of water came flooding out and rushed down the hallway. All I could get out was, "Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh." I flew up the steps to retrieve every towel up there. Wasn't enough. I flew down to the basement to retrieve every beach towel we own. "Ahhhhh!" Water was everywhere down there. Running down the walls, behind the electrical sockets, the drop ceiling was falling in, the carpet was soaked. "This is not happening." Curtis was still down at my parents. (I had to come home for work.) What's even more fun, I forgot my phone. Oh, and did I mention we don't have a home phone. Who needs one of those when you have a cell phone two hours away!!

I fly over to my neighbors house to use her phone. Not home. Run over to my other neighbors house and borrow her phone. She was so kind to just give me her cell phone to use. Called Curtis and tried hard not to burst into tears. Thankfully, his mom called his sister and brother-in-law to help me out.

Moral of the story, a broken ice maker arm is a BIG DEAL! Basically, it kept tripping the ice maker to pour in water to make ice...all weekend. The water drained out of the bottom of the refrigerator, through the floor, into the basement.

Curtis and Brian ripped all the carpet out. Why you ask? Oh, this is the second flood we've had in the basement. I know, fun times. Don't all run out at once and buy a house and renovate it! Next project, we're going to stain the concrete. Correction, we're going to have the concrete stained. Much easier clean up than drying out carpet.

As for the refrigerator, we need a whole new ice maker. Can you believe they wanted $400 for that?? The labor was more than the parts! No thank you! We'll do it ourselves. Seriously, the ice maker is held in by three screws. This girl can handle that.

Thank goodness Gus helped me find our owners manual!

Don't you love his stripes? Those are racing stripes. I adopted this guy while I lived in Charlotte and worked in NASCAR. Can you believe someone dropped him off at Waffle House?

He's even got a v-neck sweater too. Him so cute!!

Where are we going?

I was talking to my friend yesterday, who is also dealing with infertility, and we were saying, "this would be SO much easier if I could just know that after we go through all of this -- we'll have a baby!" Then we both couldn't help but laugh.

Wouldn't all of life, in some situations, be so much easier if we could know that the outcome would be exactly what we want, pictured and prayed for?!

I feel like that child in the backseat every five minutes, "God, where are we going? ... Are we there yet? ... I want to get out! ... Where are we going??" I was reading Streams in the Desert this morning and it was about this very thing. I had to share it.

---

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. (Hebrews 11:8)

Abraham, "did not know where he was going" -- it simply was enough for him to know he went with God. He did not lean as much on the promises as he did on the Promiser. And he did not look at the difficulties of his circumstances but looked to His King -- the eternal, limitless, invisible, wise and only God -- who had reached down from His throne to direct his path and who would certainly prove Himself.

O glorious faith! Your works and possibilities are these: contentment to set sail with orders still sealed, due to unwavering confidence in the wisdom of the Lord High Admiral; and a willingness to get up, leave everything, and follow Christ, because the joyful assurance that earth's best does not compare with heaven's least. F.B. Meyer

In no way is it enough to set out cheerfully with God on any venture of faith. You must be willing to take your ideas of what the journey will be like and tear them into tiny pieces, for nothing on the itinerary will as you expect.

Your Guide will not keep to any beaten path. He will lead you through ways you would never have dreamed your eyes would see. He knows no fear, and He expects you to fear nothing while He is with you.

---

Is that profound or what? That Abraham was something else! He went even though he did not know where he was going... whoa! If only I could walk by that kind of faith! Mine is more like a shuffle by faith and there have even been times when I'm pulled by faith.

"You must be willing to take your ideas of what the journey will be like and tear them into tiny pieces, for nothing on the itinerary will as you expect."

I'm going to have to think on that for a while before it fully sinks into action. I wish I could turn the planning part of me off. I believe it would make this experience much easier!

"He knows no fear, and He expects you to fear nothing while He is with you."

This could prove harder than it seems -- because He's always with me!

Father, thank You that You are always with me. I love you but I guess not perfectly (big surprise!) because You say perfect love casts out fear. Cause me to fear less and less as I tear up my itinerary and love You more perfectly. Give me Abraham's faith -- to walk with such HUGE faith without even knowing where we're going! I do trust You -- but this road is hard, my feet are weary of the walk and it feels as though the sun is scorching me to the bone. I'm going to be honest, I hate this road. However, I can find something I can be thankful for -- You revealing a little more of Yourself along the way. I seriously could not do this if You didn't show me You. I have to see You in this! Thank You that Your mercies are new each day and that Your love endures my whining and complaining! I'm such a child. Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. You can change my outlook without changing my circumstances and I beg for a new outlook. Forgive my envy and lust for things I don't have. Give me eyes to see what You want to show me and ears to hear Your sweet whispers. I do love you!

Because He Lives...

I’ve been trying to hard to seek out and reflect on the meaning of this past week, celebrating Jesus’ life, death and ultimately His resurrection.

Yesterday, Dr. Youseff had a great message called “From Depression to Mission” from Luke 24:13-35. The story is so profound. It had been three days since Jesus’ crucifixion. Two men are walking on the road from Jerusalem to another small village. They were totally depressed because they were truly believers and followers of Jesus and they thought for sure He would redeem Israel. Apparently, Jewish custom was that a person’s spirit hovered around for three days before it disappeared. They had even heard about the tomb being empty and the women seeing Him, but because they didn’t see Him they didn’t believe. So after three days, they gave up hope and left Jerusalem. The risen Jesus appears to them on the road, but they are so depressed over their circumstances, they don’t even recognize that it’s Jesus.

I won’t even waste your time by pondering whether I am like these men. I know I am. There are days when all I feel like all I see are pregnant mommies, happy families with babies and I am so sad that we aren’t, that I can’t even begin to see Jesus in the midst of my sorrow. I recognize that in many of my prayers I am praying for my will, my answers, my blessings – not His. I am so determined this is what I want and sure that’s what He wants for me, that I’ve failed to seek His will, His timing.

“When we learn to pray in the Holy Ghost, we find there are some things for which we cannot pray, there is sense of restraint. Never push and say, ‘I know it is God’s will and I am going to stick to it.’ Beware, remember what is recorded of the children of Israel: ‘He gave them their request; but sent wasting disease upon them.’ (Ps. 106:15) Let the Spirit of God teach you what He is driving at and learn not to grieve Him. If we are abiding in Jesus Christ we shall ask what He wants us to ask, whether we are conscious of doing so or not.” If Ye Shall Ask – Chambers

I know this is the kind of prayer life the Holy Spirit is calling me to. John 14:14 Jesus tells us “You may ask for anything in My name, and I will do it.” In My name means in His will – what He wants for me. Could it be that I need to begin to pray for ears to hear His will and eyes to see it? And sometimes I do pray, “Lord, give me ears to hear You and eyes to see You.” But what I’m really praying is, “Lord, give me ears to hear what I want You to say to me and eyes to see what I want You to show me.” Those men on the road in Luke were so determined that redemption could only be whatever they had in mind – failing to see that Jesus did come to redeem Israel – but not the way they wanted Him too. He did it His way. Jesus even says to them, like He’s saying to me now, “How foolish you are, and how slow to heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter His on glory?” (Luke 24:25-26)

Throughout scripture, did God not do things His way, on His time? And were they not perfect? Same then has to be true of me. This time of waiting, God is so desperately trying to teach me how to be one with Him, to pray His will -- frankly, to desire His will over my own and rely on the Holy Spirit in my prayers.

“When we praying relying on the Holy Spirit, He will always bring us back to this point, that we are not heard because we are earnest, or because we need to be heard, or because we will perish if we are not heard; we are heard only on the ground of the Atonement of our Lord. The efficacy of the atoning work of Christ is the one thing that the Holy Spirit works into our understanding, and as He interprets the meaning of that work to us we shall never bank on our own earnestness, or on our sense of need, nor shall we ever have the idea that God does not answer, we shall be so restfully certain that He always does. The Holy Spirit will continually interpret to us that the only ground of our approach to God is ‘by the blood of Jesus’ and no other way.” If Ye Shall Ask – Chambers.

This is what the resurrection is all about. We can commune with the one true, living God because of Jesus death and resurrection. I can seek and know His will. He can grant peace in the most uncertain situations. He cans give us eyes to see Him, ears to hear Him and the ability to know more about Him. "Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone; because I know He holds the future. And life is worth the living,Just because He lives!"

Praise God, we are not left to suffer alone!

"Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. ...The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:5-6

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.' ... 'Because He loves me,' says the Lord, 'I will recuse him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble, I will deliever him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.'" Ps. 91:1, 2, 14-16

Where We Are

Faith, bigger faith and recklessly big faith. What do all these things have in common? Obviously, faith. My cling-to-verses these past few weeks has been, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1 and "We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7

When you get down to it, faith is hard. I mean, having total, complete reliance on God -- when you can't see it, yet you know He's working -- is much harder than it seems at first glance. I'm a sight person. I'll believe it when I see it. I might even be pessimistic. I hate this in me and even recognize this is not pleasing to the Lord. So, I've been earnestly praying for bigger faith through this infertility journey.

As you may remember, Curtis and I started reading Supernatural Childbirth. Despite the new age title, this is a fantastic book! Anything that points you to scripture and not "I think..." by the author is exceptional in my mind. Way too many books out there with far too few scripture references. This book strictly teaches you how to pray, from scripture, God's promises to His people -- including babies.

When I first started reading it, I was so empowered. "Yes! I believe, Lord. I can do this. I can pray scripture and trust You'll bring a child to us!" And as the weeks passed on, I've started "Lord, I believe -- but what if it doesn't happen?" (Funny, huh?) I finally felt the Lord saying to me, "Sarah, you believe on Me for your very salvation. Your life! Do you realize how insane it sounds that you can do that, yet you can't believe I'll give you a child?" Whoa. Think about it with me.

I have not physically seen heaven, or Jesus for that matter. Yet, I still believe they exist. I was not there when Jesus died on the cross, yet I still believe it happened. I believe Jesus when He said that He would die for my sins so that I could live eternally with Him. Now, I haven't spoken to any who have gone before me to confirm that this actually happened and everything He said would be is. But, I still believe.

Why then wouldn't I trust that He, the very Giver of Life, would provide us with our own babies?

Hello, Sarah? You there? God is calling you to reckless faith -- like the faith you have for your salvation!!

"We may be called to a definite purpose for our life which the Holy Ghost reveals and we know that it means a decision, a reckless fling over onto God, a burning of our bridges behind us; and there is not a soul to advise us when we take that step saving the Holy Ghost. Our clingings come in this way -- we put one foot on God's side and one on the side of human reasoning; then God widens the space until we either drop down between or jump onto one side or the other. We have to take a leap, a reckless leap, and if we have learned to rely on the Holy Ghost, it will be a reckless leap to God's side. So many of us limit our praying because we are not reckless in our confidence in God. In the eyes of those who don't know God, it is madness to trust Him, but when we pray in the Holy Ghost we begin to realise the resources of God, that He is our perfect heavenly Father, and we are His children." Oswald Chambers, If Ye Shall Ask

Do you know how many times I read that before it began to sink in? This is it. This is faith. Not saving faith, meaning salvation. This is saving faith in circumstances. That even though I can't see it, I will believe. But humanly, I am programmed to continually think on the "human reasoning" side..."but what if...". This isn't faith. Faith must be, "God I don't see how this could happen, humanly speaking. Yet, I know You are bigger, more mighty than any circumstance and Your faithfulness endures forever. So I will believe."

So, what's the point of all this. Well, today, right now, at 10:30 a.m. Curtis and I were scheduled to go to Reproductive Biology Associates here in Atlanta for our first official infertility consult. After reading Supernatural Childbirth, I went to Curtis with wild eyes and excitedly mentioned, "I really do believe He will grant this to us, by faith. I don't know if we should still go to RBA." Being the level-headed man that he is and recognizing that I can sometimes be emotional (I know you can't imagine that...), Curtis replied "well, let's pray about it." So, we did. I just assumed we would still go. Until he, a few days later, said, "You're right. I think we should be earnest in our prayers, knowing it's God's will for us to have babies and believing He'll provide. I think you should cancel the appointment." "Hmmm. Okay?"

I want to make myself perfectly clear. I totally believe in the work and minds of doctors. God has really gifted these men and women. I totally believe in seeking their help for infertility and we are still praying and open to this option. However, with each doctor's appointment I had more faith in man and less in God. This was wrong and I know we would not have been blessed.

"No good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless." Psalm 84:11

This means walking by faith in Him. Certainly, seeking medical help doesn't mean you don't have faith! And only you can recognize where you are on the faith-in-God or faith-in-human-reasoning scale. I was scraping and clinging with my hands on the faith in God side, while standing on the faith in human reasoning side. This wasn't walking upright, by faith in God.

So, this is where we are. We have taken a reckless leap, clinging to the faith-in-God side, fully trusting He'll bring those promised blessings in His time. After all, He is the very giver of life. Frankly, this is exciting and super hard and scary. Yet, I feel total peace about this. Like I can finally take this huge weight off my shoulders and lay it at His feet knowing no good thing does He withhold -- including babies! It won't be easy. But in those hard times, I have to look back at His past faithfulness believing the future won't be any different. He is my rock, my fortress and He is in this with me. We are not alone. We must allow Him to stretch our faith and if that eventually leads us back to RBA, then we'll go there with bigger faith in Him who gives us life and breath!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5

"But my God shall supply all Your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

"For nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:37

"Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness! Morning, by morning, new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided. Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me. Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth. Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide. Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. Blessings all mine with ten thousand beside!"