Cheers!

2008 is officially over. This was such a fast year!

Last night, we went to my parents house and watch the Chick-fil-a Bowl Game, Georgia Tech against LSU. What a terrible game! I even pulled for the Jackets, but victory slipped further and further away as the minutes ticked on. I knew you wouldn't believe this unless you saw it with your own eyes, but I even wore a Tech jersey.














Curtis was dying for me to have a jersey, so I compromised all I hold sacred for one night. However, today is a new day. I will proudly wear red and black for the Dawgs as they play Michigan State. GO Dawgs!!

So, what's in store for 2009? Good question. No doubt, it should prove to be an interesting year. In January, I'm traveling with my mom to New York City. I fell in love with NYC during my summer semester there in college and loved traveling there on business. I'm happy to be mom's tour-guide on her first trip there.

Later in January, I'll travel with Curtis to "Sin City" on a business trip. There we'll visit our friends Tony and Lia. Curtis is also in their wedding in May. We'll also visit my cousin Kendall Wallace, who plays basketball for UNLV. We're going to see one of his games and do Las Vegas. Kendall is such a cutie! I'm sure he's quite the heart-throb on campus.

Aside from traveling, this year I will read through the Bible. I make a fantastic effort each year, but never see it through. This year will be different! I'll keep you posted on what the Holy Spirit reveals to me...

I have also decided I'll pick back up on my home renovations. I have two guest bedrooms and the living room left. I've put the bedrooms off in anticipation of making them into a baby's room, but no more. It's not good to live your life on hold waiting for something you have no control over. So off I go. Pictures to come soon...

Last, but not least, to babies in 2009! Not just for me, but for some close friends and people I only know through their blogs who are desiring the blessing of a child. Lord, hear the prayers of these Your servants and grant us the desires of our hearts according to Your perfect will and plan. 2009 brings a sense of hope because out of the 365 days it will contain, surely a baby will be part of mix. But, it's also a little scary because I thought that about '07 and '08. But I will hope in the Lord, the rock of my salvation. He is capable!

I stumbled across this blog post from another couple dealing with infertility issues and had to steal it. It was too funny to pass up!

"C'mere you stupid stork..."

"...quit digging around in the grass and go find me a baby!"


Here's to a new year of trusting Him more deeply, knowing Him more truly and walking humbly where He leads! "

Father, reveal Yourself a little more each day of this new year. Give us eyes to see Your glory revealed. Help me to wait upon You, walk with You and rely only on You, trust You and obey -- no questions -- only obedience. Father, give me ears to hear the whispers of Your plans for my life and feet to walk where You lead.

Glorious Interuption

I cannot believe Christmas is here! It seems as though Christmas '07 was just six months ago. Time really is flying by.

This year, I feel like I've looked at Christmas with all-new eyes. Trying to get pregnant has opened my eyes even more to the miracle of life. Babies are such a miracle! No doubt, Jesus' conception is unlike any other, but still -- babies are seriously a miracle!

On the weekend of December 17th, we spent the weekend with our friends, Denny and Ashly. The weekend included attending MarriedLife Live at their church, North Point Community Church. I love this ministry! It's always fun to go their events and I always leave with a new challenge from the Lord.

This time wasn't any different. In fact, the Lord really met me there. (If you have twenty minutes, view the message on website.) The message was totally centered around the glorious interruption of Jesus' life on Mary, Joseph, God, and ultimately, us. They kept coming back to the point, "Do you realize that God gave up His baby boy...His baby, so that we could be called His sons and daughters?" He gave up His only Son, so that I might have the hope of eternal life!

It is so vital to remember this monumental detail of Christmas!

I have to admit, I fell prey last Christmas to the "well, next year we'll have a baby...", "well, next year I'll be pregnant..." thoughts. Such dangerous territory! Obviously, we don't have a baby nor are we expecting one. What's even harder, we've just learned that as of January 15, 2009, our insurance is no longer being accepted by the new doctor we've been seeing. He is part of the WellStar Health System and they no longer accept our insurance. Sigh! Back to square one trying to find a doctor within Northside that contracts with our insurance. Just when it seems like we're making progress, we're right back where we started.

So, I want to leave you with two things I'm challenging myself with this Christmas and into 2009. Maybe you would also consider these challenges for yourself.

What is that area in my life that God wants to gloriously interrupt?

As His disciple, will I allow Him open access to my life, my plans, my desires to gloriously interrupt as He so chooses? If so, how long until I release the grip and fully surrender?

Listen to this song.



Father, thank You for the gift of your sweet, perfect baby boy so that I could be called a daughter of the King! I can't grasp a love like that. I wish I could. It would probably, definitely make disappointments so much easier. If I knew the feeling of having my own baby, I could not give him up for sinners like me. Thank you that Your ways are not my ways. Help me to understand the heights and depths of this love. Thank You that I have an unfailing, eternal hope of salvation in Your work on the cross. Thank You that You are with us every step of the way. My life and the circumstances, the hurts, the desires are not a surprise to You. 'Become all that we know. Become all that we need. You are our only hope. You are our everything. So, draw us ever close. Show us Who You are!' The need is great, but You are greater and You have not abandoned me. My Savior, my Redeemer, Light of the world. What wondrous love is this! Even still, release my grip. One moment at a time, help me to die to self and see only Your plans, not my own. Oh God, surrendering is hard. Show me how. 'How precious is the life You will give up, to be part of us.'

Ode to the 10K

Well, it was short lived. At least I went out with a bang! After our consult with the new doctor, I've been "ordered" to put running on the back burner....for now, anyway. Apparently, I'm "too lean" and running 3 to 4 miles three times a week is "too much". I was trying to down-play the whole thing because I've really gotten to where I love to run. But Curtis happily, and almost like he was proud, chimed in, "and she runs 10k's too!" To that the doctor replied, "yeah, that's over the top!" I can still run, but only one or two miles at a time.

So, in an effort to not be so lean, I'm trying to consume a few more less-healthy choices that I have been denying myself! :) Just this week, I was at Publix and was buying up all my favorites. Before I knew it, I looked in my cart and it was full of junk! I'm pretty sure the lady behind me in line might think I have an eating disorder. She said, "wow, your cart looks so much more fun than mine." I wanted to explain, but would it officially cross over into too much information to say, "well, I never eat like this...I'm too lean and we're trying to get pregnant so I'm trying to consume more calories"?? Instead, I just did a nervous laugh and said, "yeah."

In the meantime, here's to my last 10K for a while and my best running buddy Tracy!

All Clear

January of 2009 will mark a long, eighteen months of trying to get pregnant. Seeking medical help was not something that was an easy decision for Curtis and me. We know that God is the giver of life and His timing is perfect. We were referred twice to seek infertility help, yet didn't feel a peace about it at the time. However, this past August we said if there still weren't any babies by the end of 2008 then we would take the next step.

We had a meeting with our new doctor, who will focus on infertility with us...well, me. Curtis is fine. On Wednesday, December 9, I went and had a hysterosalpingogram also known as an HSG test. This is a painful procedure to make sure my tubes are open and clear. The report came back great! Everything is open and looks great! So, we'll see what the next few months hold for us.

For some, the decision to seek medical treatment comes so easy. Curtis and I have spent a lot of time in prayer over this! You just want to believe that since so many people get pregnant on their own, we can too! Afterall, God made us to do this! Mainly, I wanted to make sure we kept our hope in the Lord and not medicine or a new doctor.

I was trying to think of the best way to describe what this season of life is like. This is the best analogy I can come up with. Have you ever had to put together something together, like furniture, and finished only to realize you have extra parts left over? It could make you crazy. You re-read the directions...surely you've missed a step, forgot to do something...no you did everything you were supposed to. That's what this feels like to me. What do I do with this intense desire to be a mother if children are not a part of God's plan for us?

I don't have the answer to that and I hope I don't have to find that answer. I do know, that God is Sovereign. His plans are perfect. His timing is always right on time. He has been my rock and my salvation. He has met me in the midst of really hard days with promises of His everlasting love. My prayer through all this has been, "Lord, if I have to go through this then I must see You in it!!" Yes, this is hard but we serve a mighty God, the very giver of life. He is my hope, my joy -- He will work out what we do with the "extra parts" we have in life. We just have to trust and obey!

This is my favorite song for us right now. Not the best video, but you'll catch the drift. Be sure to pause the music below.

Vision of You by Shane & Shane

Come meet us, King Jesus
Oh wind of change blow through this temple.
Sweet Spirit of God, come and mend our hearts.
For all we have are songs, unless you come...

Awaken what's inside of me.
Tune my heart to all You are in me.
Even though You're here, God come.
And may the vision of You be the death of me.
And even though You've given everything, Jesus come.

Come free us, King Jesus.
It's the only way that freedom's given.
From You and You alone, in the work You've already done.
For all we have are songs, unless you come...

Here we are Lord.
In this place.
Crying out for your embrace.
To hear your voice.
More than songs.
Oh please come.

A Bondservant of Jesus

My Utmost For His Highest: December 3

"I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me..." Galatians 2:20

These words mean the breaking and collapse of my independence brought about by my own hands, and the surrendering of my life to the supremacy of the Lord Jesus. No one can do this for me, I must do it myself. God may bring me up to this point three hundred and sixty-five times a year, but He cannot push me through it. It means breaking the hard outer layer of my individual independence from God, and the liberating of myself and my nature into oneness with Him; not following my own ideas, but choosing absolute loyalty to Christ to understand what He meant when He said, "...for My sake" (Matthew 5:11). That is what makes a strong saint.

Has the breaking of my independence come? All the rest is religious fraud. The one point to decide is -- will I give up? Will I surrender to Jesus Christ, placing no conditions whatsoever as to how the brokenness will come? I must be broken from my own understanding of myself. When I reach that point, immediately the reality of the supernatural identification with Jesus Christ takes place. And the witness of the Spirit of God is unmistakable -- "I have been crucified with Christ..."

*The passion of Christianity comes from deliberately signing away my own rights and becoming a bondservant of Jesus Christ. Until I do that, I will not begin to be a saint.*

One student a year who hears God's call would be sufficient for God to have called the Bible Training College into existence. This college has no value as an organization, not even academically. Its sole value for existence is for God to help Himself to lives. Will we allow Him to help Himself to us, or are we more concerned with our own ideas of what we are going to be?

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I had to post this!

Lord Jesus, help me to be a Your bondservant. Loosen the grip I have on my life, my plans, my ideas that I hold so tightly too. Help me to surrender, placing no conditions on how the brokenness will come. Lord even as I type this I understand this is not humanly possible. Thank you for the power of the Holy Spirit within me. Only You can change me. Change me. Help me to surrender each minute, until I can go an hour...a half a day...a day. Thank you that You alone are good. You alone are Holy. Your ways are perfect.

Thanks GIVING

Well, today was obviously a busy day. I ran the Gobble Jog 10K and came home and prepared to host Thanksgiving. In between all that, I checked my email and received an email from my dear friend Ashly that I had to read this powerful blog post. Of course I did...Whoa! Powerful is so true. I was totally stopped in my tracks after reading this post. (Unfortunately, it has since been removed...)

Anyway, I don't know the author or her entire story, only that she lost her sweet baby daughter at birth. She talked about how she was really missing her little girl and having a hard time "feeling" thankful; yet, she knew that scripture commanded us to not only give thanks in the midst of circumstances, but also for circumstances. In the post she goes onto challenge her readers to write down or post in the comments one thing they are thankful for...only it had to be something you don't feel thankful for at all...trusting that when we give thanks simply out of obedience and not based on a feeling, God will honor that.

What a revelation! Isn't is so easy to sing, "bring me anything that brings You glory"? Yet, living it out is something altogether different, right?

People were giving thanks for the death of their child, parents or siblings, being molested, miscarriages, infertility, divorces, abusive relationships, abandonment, loosing every material thing...and the list literally goes on and on. Ashly and I both posted and emailed committing to pray for each other that God would begin to cause us to "feel" thankful for our circumstances -- not just in them. Seems impossible, right? Especially for Ashly and her husband, Denny, who recently lost their sweet Brooks, stillborn at 39 weeks. Can you even imagine? I still feel shocked over their circumstances. Yet, their faith reminds me of Job. "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him!"

I love reading Job! Why? Because this book shows that obedience has nothing to do with how you feel. Job wrestled with God over his circumstances. He wasn't stripped of everything he had and calmly said, "whatever God, I trust". NO. He questioned, he argued and wanted to know why. He hated what was going on. He was human. Don't forget that, aside from Jesus, scripture is full of human, sinners who fell short of God's glory -- yet were saved by His irresistible grace!

Yet in the midst of horrible things, Job believed that God was bigger than his circumstances, more powerful and capable than anyone else to change them. But more importantly, he simply trusted. He trusted God was big enough to handle his anger, his feeling of abandonment and not being able to understand why. Oh to be like Job -- all the time!

So, here is my post of thanks GIVING and my attempt at being obedient by giving thanks for my circumstances. I type this with a lot of hesitance. I have not wanted to post about this. Partially because I don't want anyone's sympathy and partially because it's more real that way. Regardless. Here it goes.

I'm thankful for 16 long, hard months of Curtis and I trying to have a baby, doctors appointments, specialists, procedures, two infertility clinic referrals, and still no baby. I'm thankful for the gripping fear that we may never be able to have a baby. I'm thankful for all the insensitive remarks and unwarranted advice I've received. I'm thankful that sometimes I cry so hard that my head hurts.

Lord Jesus, You alone are bigger than this. You are all-powerful, all-knowing, the creator and sustainer of life. Thank You that I don't have to "feel" thankful to be obedient -- I know that You will bring that in time. Thankfully, You can look and see that I desire to be obedient. You know I desire to serve You. Thank You that my hope is in You and it endures all things. Thank You that You will never leave me. Thank You that You are sovereign over all things. I trust you even though it's hard sometimes. Lord, cause me to be empowered by praise just like Job was.

We wait in hope for the Lord;
He is our help and our shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice,
For we trust in His holy name.
May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:20-22

Emanuel -- God is with us... El Shaddai -- all sufficient.

I was run-ning!

I'm so excited to report that I've started running again. One of my best friends Tracy was my inspiration. She runs and looks fantastic after having her sweet kiddos...so thank you Tracy. I ran cross country and track in high school and was actually pretty good (if I do say so myself). Well, I didn't really enjoy running then. I dabbled in it in college, then "broke up" with running after I graduated college. Now, we're back together and stronger than ever. I actually love running!

Tracy and I ran the Strong Legs 10K a couple of weekends ago and are planning to run the Gobble Jog Thanksgiving Day. If you're thinking of running again or for the first time...do it! I feel better than ever. It does wonders for the mind and body!

On that note, I've been wanting to post these commercials forever! They crack me up because they're so true. Enjoy!