"Well, are ya' pregnant, honey?"

This morning, I went in for some routine lab work. When you take clomid, you have to have blood tests done on cycle day 21. For me, going to the doctor during fertility stuff is always a huge mix of emotions. On one hand, I'm excited to find out something new. On the other hand, seeing lots of pregnant bellies, happy momma's, ultrasounds pictures, and new born babies is sometimes hard. I can honestly say, I've never felt jealousy over seeing or hearing about someone being pregnant. However, some encounters are a vivid reminder of a deep longing unfulfilled...which is nearly always followed up with a bit of sadness...and maybe even a small pity party. (Just being honest...)

So, I arrived at the office right on time for my 9 a.m. appointment. The place was packed! ...with all pregnant women, two women in their 50's or 60's and me. Fun. The lady at the front desk calls me up and says quite loudly and very southern, "Say-rah Jefferson, when were you here last? We can't find your file." I walk up and say, "I was just here in December." To which she replies in the same loud tone, "Hmmm, well are ya' pregnant, honey?" In my mind were a millions thoughts: "my odds are in favor of no"..."would my being pregnant or not pregnant help you find my file"..."oh, I almost forgot -- no I'm not"..."I'm sorry, could you say that a little louder, I'm not sure the Hispanic lady could understand what insensitive information you were asking me". I gritted my teeth and said firmly, "I don't know, that's why I'm here."

I have to stop the story here. Please make a note-to-self should you encounter someone dealing/struggling (because it is a struggle) with infertility. Frankly, I think this is a good common list of rules for encountering anyone. Because unless you can read minds, you don't know what some one's history is.

1. Don't ever ask someone if they are pregnant! I know this should go without saying, but frankly -- so should this whole list -- and yet, I'm still having to write it. I'm astounded at how many people have asked me and other friends this.

2. Don't ever ask someone if they have children. Simply learn to say "tell me a little about yourself". Whatever they choose to tell, is all they want to tell at this point. I can't stand when people want you to pour out your inner most secrets, when small-talk is sufficient.

3. If you ever know in advance that someone is dealing with infertility, don't say "I heard you guys are trying to have a baby! I also heard you're having trouble getting pregnant...well, good luck with that!" True story. (You can't make this kind of stuff up.) Happened to me this month!

4. Don't ever offer advice or say "I know what you're going through" unless you have personally experienced infertility. Simply say, "I'm sorry you have to go through this. I want you to know I'm praying for you." This offends me more than anything. I want to say, "Really? You have two children and one on the way...how is your experience remotely close to 20 months of trying and still no children???" Having your faith stretched in other areas, just isn't the same. You wouldn't tell someone diagnosed with terminal cancer, "boy, I know just how you feel. I had the worst cold last month." or someone who lost their husband, "I know just how you feel. Curtis travels a few times a month." That's how it sounds when you say "I know how you feel" but you actually haven't lived it.

5. "Well, you just need to relax and de-stress -- then you'll get pregnant." Medical fact: infertility is not stress induced. It's not. It might be a very small, contributing factor -- but it is not the cause.

6. "Once you quit thinking about it, it will happen when you least expect it." Medical fact: infertility is not a state of mind. Aside from that, if not thinking about it would cause me to get pregnant I would (a.) never get pregnant because making a baby requires some thought or (b.) we would never have a baby because we're at a point in our life that we'd like to have one...so we wait in hopeful expectation.

Last, but not least...

7. "You're still young and you guys haven't been married that long." This rationale is number one most offensive to me. Would you tell a woman who lost her husband in an accident on their wedding night, "at least you weren't married long" or a mother who is to bury her baby "well, at least you didn't get to know him"?? NO! And, who are you to suggest what age and length of time a couple should wait before they try to conceive?

**Sympathizing through listening, telling them you're thinking of them and praying is often all someone needs!!**

Sorry, back to the story... After nearly an hour of waiting, they finally found my chart and called me back. I had to wait again in the hallway until the nurse was ready to do the blood work. During my wait, I heard a couple having an ultrasound. I think that is the most miraculous sound. It's the beat of life. That must be such an exhilarating moment to hear your baby's heart beating! On the outside listening in, it was the saddest sound. Every fiber of my being longs to hear the heartbeat of our babies. Right about then, another couple sits on the couch across from me beaming with excitement as they look at their numerous ultrasound pictures. It was so hard to fight back tears. Isn't it the waiting in life that's the hardest?

On a side note, I found If Ye Shall Ask by Oswald Chambers at my mom's this week. It was my grandmother's and I knew it was good if she read it. Plus, it was printed in 1948. It is the all-time best book on prayer! I'll finish with a couple of my favorite excerpts. His writings and prayers are incredibly rich.

"O Lord, this day may Thy beauty and grace and soothing peace be in and upon me, and may no wind or weather or anxiety ever touch Thy beauty and Thy peace in my life or in this place."

I love this..."Lord, our God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, of Whom Jesus is the very image, I look to Thee and make my prayer. Bless me this hour with the feeling of Thy presence and the glow of Thy nearness, for I do trust in Thee and hope only in Thee."

"Lord God Omnipotent, how my soul delights to know that Thou dost care for sparrows and numberest the hairs of our head! Lord, breathe on me till I am in the frame of mind and body to worship Thee."

My favorite so far... "O Lord, I would seek Thy face now, but what avail is my seeking if Thou revealest not Thyself? Show me Thy face, O Lord. Keep me ever seeing Thee!"

Amen! Father, keep me ever seeing Thee! My hope is in You.