Loud Noises

I went to the doctor this morning because my throat and ear was really killing me, but just on the right side. The whole visit was interesting. My general practitioner is an internal medicine guy. His nurse comes in and does the whole routine, "what are you here for today?"...but about 10 levels louder than most people talk. I know they see a lot of older patients, but it reminded me of how the nurses talk to Curtis' Granddaddy... "MIS-TER SAN-DERS, HOW ARE YOU FEE-LING TO-DAY???" I felt like Brick on Anchorman, "LOUD NOISES!"

So, I explain, in a softer than normal tone...I guess to compensate for her yelling, that last night the sore throat and ear ache came on kind of suddenly, but no stuffiness, etc. I did have chills, but I haven't taken my temp. Seems pretty self-explanatory, right? This is what follows:

Nurse (still loudly): "any soreness in your throat?"

Me: "Yes, on the right side."

Nurse: "Any congestion, stuffiness or drainage (I hate this word by the way)??"

Me: "No." Thinking: I thought I said that, maybe not.

Nurse: "Any soreness in your ear?"

Me: "Yes, on the right side." All while thinking, "didn't I just say that..."

Nurse: "When did your symptoms start?"

Me: Thinking, "Really? Will she ask about fever next." but saying slowly and enunciating "Last. Night."

Nurse: "Any fever?"

Me: "Nope. Still haven't taken my temp."

Nurse: "Have you been exposed to strep?"

Me: "Who knows, I'm sure I have." It's winter and I'm out in the public... I'm thinking the odds for being exposed are higher than someone who is a shut-in.

Then the thing I hate more than anything at a drs. office...the pain scale! It's so degrading! "Look on the pain scale and rate your pain." Really? Smiley faces? Is there no other way for adults to rate their pain? Should I answer, "I'm not a crying frowny face, maybe a little more than a maroon straight face." When did, "It hurts when I swallow become insufficient"?

So she does the strep test and says very childishly, "Now open up for me and say 'aaaahhhh'...this will be real quick!"

Get me out of this twilight zone!

Turns out I have any ear infection. Go figure. I haven't had one of those in over 20 years! You want to know the real kicker?? I have not gained one pound. NOT ONE! What is the deal? I called Curtis immediately to tell him this shocking news and he was even baffled saying "How can that be?? You're eating me out of house and home". I'm not complaining, but this is insane! I have not denied myself anything...nothing! In fact, I've eaten a lot more than I would actually like to...and I love to eat. Strange. Right now, I have a one pound bag of M&M's in my purse that I snack on. What is the deal? The irony! If only it was bathing suit season, I'd be packing the lbs on left and right! My metabolism must be through the roof...all good stuff until you need to "be less lean."