Beats of Life!

Had a great appointment today! Thank you for praying! I went in, he felt my belly and put the doppler right on our little sweetness. It was so awesome to hear that sound again! I felt terrible this morning, but all that melted away with that sound. We had good strong beats that ranged between 155 - 165. It was 170 at 8 weeks. My doctor said he hadn't heard good strong heartbeats that early in a while. So, he was thrilled and I was one proud momma! He also put his prediction in that it's a girl. He's been at it a while, so he just might be right. We'll see...

My blood pressure was great and I have not gained a single pound, which quite frankly is no surprise to me! I was told not to worry -- that will come in time. My sweet hubby said, "Don't worry hon, you'll tank up in no time." Thanks honey. The prediction every pregnant woman wants to hear! ;)

I go back again in four weeks for a heartbeat check and more blood work. I'll be almost 17 weeks. Then, the next week or so (18 or 19 weeks) I have to go see a perinatologist. This is technically a high-risk doctor. He will do a 3D ultra-sound to look at the vanishing twin and make sure that's completely gone and not causing any complications to our other little guy. My doctor totally suspects it is gone and fine, but he wants to be totally sure. I'm totally overjoyed for that appointment!! I'm so impatient and already dying to see what the baby looks like. I'm sure we'll also get to find out what we're having. Yay!!

My mom got to go with me today and hear the heartbeats. It was great! She hasn't ever had the opportunity to do that. After we went to go shop for some maternity clothes. Strange that my belly is ever expanding, yet I haven't gained weight. We met up with Ashly and Miss Macy B -- mommy is ever so slim and little princess is filling out quite nicely AND SMILING! I love it!

I have a lot I want to post about...in keeping with my pre-baby posts. The Lord has really been at work and I look forward to sharing just how in time. Thank you again for sharing in our joy by praying!!

Blessed beyond measure!

Don't you love this picture?? This is on our honeymoon in the Bahamas...so fitting for Curtis.

I have to take the time to brag on how truly fantastic my husband is! Curtis has been so supportive through this whole pregnancy, especially the last 8 weeks of sickness. I have really been sick. Yet, he hasn't skipped a beat. On numerous occasions, he has come into the bathroom, while I'm getting sick, to hold my hair or put a wet washcloth on my neck and back. He runs out for just about anything I think might "cure" my nausea. He's taken on laundry, housework and food -- in addition to his other chores and all while working and traveling -- without even the first complaint. He always calls from work to ask if there is something he can do or bring home. He prays over us, even when I'm too sick, and I love it. I just can't think of anything I would ask him to do different. So many women have to forge ahead in the world of all-day (not just morning) sickness alone because guys aren't naturally super nurturing. Not me.

I am blessed beyond measure!!

RCJ -- you are the love of my life! I'm blessed to call you my husband and thrilled that you're willingly walking through every detail of this pregnancy with me. I knew I was lucky to get you when we got married, but everything since that day has been an added bonus! I will love you always and forever!

Doctor, doctor!

Well, tomorrow at 8 a.m. I head to the doctor for a 12 week check-up. I'm SO thrilled to go! I knew, once I heard that little heartbeat for the first time, waiting four weeks to hear it again would seem like an eternity. I was right!

I'm a little nervous because I think they'll try to use the doppler for the first time. I wonder if my heart will be beating at all while they search?? I'm thinking no. Please pray that they would find it right away!

On another note, I've gotten a lot of sweet calls, notes and emails from everyone checking in on me. It has been a rough 8 weeks of pure sickness. No complaints, it's just been a big adjustment to the normal active, running, doing me. But I have really felt the Lord's pressence even in the days where I'm bed-bound. Some days have been so intense, that in the throws of my sickness I've pleaded for the Lord to sustain the baby. Praise the Lord for zofran!! I won't dare say I'm out of the woods, but today was a fantastic day and I'm SO grateful. I'm also eternally grateful to my dear, sweet hubby! But that will be another post. He needs a post all his own for the hubby of the year award!

On a side note, have I told you I'm a worrier? Well, it's something I really pray against...OFTEN! So, two great scriptures that I've clung to. The first sent to me by my friend Ebe (read her blog, be blessed and pray for their new bundle on the way!). The other the Lord gave me one night and it's been a great prayer. I hope if you also find yourself worrying that you'll find comfort in the Price of Peace.

I'll update more tomorrow...

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Psalm 16
"Keep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge.
I said to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing.'
As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips.
Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the Lord, who councils me, even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will also rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let you Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

Wiggle Worm!

Today we went for our 8 week appointment. It was a really great appointment! ...despite the fact that Dr. H is a HUGE Georgia Tech fan and confirmed he was "certain it was a baby yellow jacket he saw on the ultrasound". It totally made Curtis' day!

He also confirmed that we only have one. Our other little guy didn't make it, but Dr. H assured us that it was totally normal to see that this early on. Apparently, a lot of women become pregnant with twins and loose one early. But that little guy is in heaven and has lots of friends there!

BUT, we do have one SUPER, healthy, cute little baby! It's crazy to feel so much love for this little sweetie already, but I'm totally head over heals and can't wait until April! We're so thankful! The ultrasound was such a needed boost. I've been really, really sick. It's hard to actually feel pregnant in those moments. I'm definitely not complaining!! There's never been a better reason to be sick!

The baby was so active today! It wiggled all over the place, waving it's little arms and kicking it's little baby legs. It was really magical and such an overwhelming relief to know that it's doing great despite how I feel!

Thank you for all your prayers and sweet emails! It has really been so touching and overwhelming to know that people are interceding on our behalf. I promise I'm planning to write back some of you, but I've had a hard time getting too far from the bathroom! Yay for babies and answered prayers! We're totally blessed and humbled by our little baby blessing!

We go back in four weeks...

Our almost 9 week old wiggle worm! I can't wait to kiss on that big ole belly!

We Interrupt This Marriage To Bring You...

...Football Season!!

If only we pulled for the same team! Oh well. It's fun anyway. As you guys might remember, we are the ultimate "House Divided" -- Georgia/Georgia Tech. Should be interesting when the baby gets here to see what it wears on game day! I'm seriously going to have to enlist someone to make "baby divided" clothes. As it stands now, even what collar the dog wears has rules. Because Tech was ranked higher the Georgia, by some fluke, Lilly started the season off in her Tech collar. Funny thing is, she's been taking it off. Have I told you lately how much I love this dog?? Tonight she proudly sported red and black and pulled for her fellow dawgs!! Great game!

Thursday night, Curtis and I ventured downtown for the Georgia Tech vs. Clemson game. I wasn't sure I'd be able to make the game because I've been really sick. Yay for babies!! But I had a much needed good night. We started the night off at The Varsity and ate dinner. I got a cheeseburger and a hot dog. Let me interrupt this story by telling you that I do not eat hot dogs! No way. It has probably been 20+ years since I tried one...and hated it. But for whatever reason, I could not get hot dogs off the brain! So I ate one before the game (the burger was totally a no go). It was so freakin' good! The bun was so soft and yummy...ummmm! All I thought about the whole game was "I hope we get out of here before 11:30 p.m. so I can get another hot dog on the way home!" And I did...and it was fabulous!! Please do not post what is in a hot dog. That is why I did not eat them! The real bonus was that I had no ill side affects!

Thursday's game was fun. As strange/different as that school is, they have some fantastic school spirit! It's really insane. And Buzz is really hilarious. He's like a "little gangsta" in yellow in black. Too funny.

I had to post this video! So, so funny. They played it at half-time and the crowd went wild. These guys "The GTG's" (the whitest, nerdiest rappers you'll ever see) do Georgia Tech rap songs. Big cheese! No doubt about it. But watch buzz...so funny.



Speaking of our little "buzzdawg"... we have an appointment on Monday to confirm if we have twins or if we have a singleton! Please pray for good strong heart beats! I'll post an update Monday after...

Praise the Lord!

He settles the barren woman in her home as the happy mother of children. Praise the Lord! Ps. 113:9

Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy. How awesome is the Lord Most High, the great King over all the earth! Ps. 47:1-2

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1

"...now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine...to Him be the glory..."~Ephesians 3:20-21

I’m pregnant!

I can’t even believe I’m writing this post. We’ve prayed so hard for this day when we would be able to share with the world about God’s great blessing, but I could never fully envision it. Regardless, it’s here.

We found out Sunday, August 16, after some hounding by our friends Ashly and Denny to take a test. They faithfully called every morning for four days pleading with us to test. No worries because I did that to her with her sweet miracle Macy Brooks (if you have not seen this sweet baby click on their link...you are in for a treat!). ;) We finally gave in and got a test Saturday night; though, only one from the Dollar Store. I assumed it would be negative, like all the other ones I’ve taken over the past two years, so I wasn’t willing to spend a lot of money.

Sunday morning I took it convinced it was negative and even thought, “figures”. One more glance and I thought I saw two lines. No, that can’t be. I’m hallucinating. I held it up to the bathroom window and there they were – two lines. I flew downstairs, “Curtis!! Look at this! What do you see??” “Two lines…what does that mean?” “Typically it means you’re pregnant! [Looks of shock…] Hurry and go get an expensive test! …the one that says 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant'!” He came back and sure enough, “pregnant”.

These have been some pretty surreal days! We can’t even wrap our minds around this overwhelming blessing. Curtis and I immediately prayed and cried, thanking our sweet Father for entrusting us with this huge blessing.

We went today and heard the sweetest sound, a sweet baby heartbeat. It was so fantastic! First, it was great to see a baby on the ultrasound screen rather than an empty womb. Beyond that, those little beats were so symbolic of God's steady faithfulness to us throughout all of this -- so strong and steady. They were truly the sounds of life! My heart has longed to hear that.

Fun story, when they looked on the screen she thought she might see two babies. Yay! I've always wanted twins. However, we won't know for sure for a couple more weeks. One of the sacks was smaller and it may develop on to be totally normal and healthy or it could be what they call a "vanishing twin". Regardless, we have been abundantly blessed.

I'll be seven weeks on Thursday. I fully realize it's early and there are a lot of weeks to come. But friends, God has overwhelmed us with a perfect gift and we just want the world to know how blessed and humbled we feel by this sweet gift. Sure a lot can happen, but God is in control and we are trusting Him. And we're just going to celebrate everyday we're given with this baby bean!

Please join with us in praising God! Truly, we serve a mighty God who longs to show His love for us -- in His perfect time. This is not about great doctors, good medicine or a mere coincidence. This is all because of God and for His glory!

Also, please pray with us for the health and wellness of this baby or babies!! I'll keep you posted on what's going on. I'm due April 21, 2010! Yay for spring!

This is our sweet baby. That's the tiny yolk sack that looks like a little fin. It will go away in a few weeks.

This one is so great! The two white lines coming off the baby is the heart. Yay! And below is the heart beat. Don't you love heart beats?!

For this God is our God for ever and ever; He will be our guide to the end. Ps. 47:14

But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds. Ps. 73:28

Taking hold of that for which Christ took hold of me...

During this struggle to become pregnant, find out why we haven't yet and get on the road to possible conception, I can honestly say (by God's grace) that I have consistently tried to find the 'reason' for this present pain. My attitude might not have been right, but I strived towards it never the less. I'm not talking about chasing after the 'why's' because I have realized more completely that God is God and the why's simply are due me. What I'm talking about is more of the lesson or concept He is trying to teach me. How is He trying to refine me? What key is He trying to get me to take hold of?

Let me assure you, I've read tons of Christian books, listened to countless sermons, searched the scriptures digging for what it was specifically that He wanted me to take hold of. While they have all helped, nothing came through as "this is it!"...until two Sundays ago.

Joy! Not to be mistaken with happiness. No. My 'key' to survival is going to being joy -- His joy!

The other night, I could not sleep. I got up, went downstairs and spent the next hour or so reading and re-reading Philippians. During that time, the word came alive. The Holy Spirit spoke through those passages so plainly! It was amazing!

I have to tell you, I have experienced peace unexplainable over these last couple of weeks. Nothing has changed by way of our infertility 'news'. What has changed, however, is my outlook.

I used to read Philippians 4:12-13, ...

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."

...and think, Paul is not human. Yes, he suffered but content in all things?? Not possible.

Now, however, I seem to be getting it. It's like the light finally came on. I hear what you might be thinking, "maybe this struggle wasn't that hard after all" or "see, you just needed to relax and trust God".

No friends. This struggle is as hard as it's ever been. Need I remind you that in November we will clinically have been trying to have a baby for 3 l-o-n-g, HARD, trying years? Need I remind you that if, like most couples, we got pregnant within 8 months of trying we would have a two year old? That's crazy talk and nearly impossible to wrap my head around.

I honestly believe that infertility and the loss of a child has to be the heaviest burden! Proverbs 13:12 explains it better than I could. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled in a tree of life." It's heart sick.

The difference is that I realize now more than ever, when I surrendered my life to Christ -- whether I realized it or not -- I also surrendered my plans, my dreams, my hopes, my comfort zone, my striving for things my way, my opinion, my desire to 'help' God accomplish my will for my life. It's simply not about me anymore! It's His plans, His purposes, His desires, His glory. Sure, I can try to take hold of those things again -- which I sadly do on a regular basis -- but it's all for nothing. That 'old me' is gone and the sooner I get on-board with God's plan the better!

It's Philippians 1:6 alive and well..."He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ." Have you wondered what that means exactly? When you surrendered your life to the Lord, He has been refining you and making you more like Him.

The bottom line is that I'm telling you flat out that I now have joy in this journey. No, I'm not happy. I'm joyful. Why? Because I've been broken and allowed to finally see all the ways He is alive and dwelling within me. I look back and see His faithfulness. He has bound our marriage together with His love and bonded us closer than we ever have been in all these years.

This treacherous road, at times, has, as Paul wrote, in Phil. 1:12 "has really served to advance the gospel." At least in my life and my marriage. The joy is abounding in seeing that God is good despite my trials. And, His plan will always end better than mine.

So I have to ask you, friend, do you have this joy? Is He alive and well, dwelling in you and faithfully completing the work He started in you so long ago? Can you look back and see His past faithfulness and rejoice for His presence in the pain? I'm not talking about rejoicing for the pain. Who could do that? Not even Jesus rejoiced to be crucified. What He did do was rejoice in submitting to His Father's will. Obedience at any cost.

If this is not in you, I am telling you that this joy can be yours if you'll surrender to His calling on your life. Having a baby is my Issac that He's calling me to sacrifice. Will He spare this longing? I don't know. I pray so.

Regardless, I am strongly intrigued to know this God whose perfect love says no. To "take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me". Are you following me? His love has never let go -- regardless of my actions -- His love has and will endure. But His love has also said no and yet, it's still perfect. I want to take hold of that and really know it.

If you are reading this blog and you are in the throws of a trial, I want to pray for you by name that your joy my be made complete in Him. You can share by commenting or emailing me (sarah.jefferson@comcast.net) or you can simply leave your name. Please allow me the pleasure of interceding for you! You don't have to register to post a comment. Just leave your name and/or your specifics and choose the anonymous option.

This joy is, in fact, contagious and I have to pass it on to you!!